But sadly, to be H-A-P-P-Y, I have to do what I hate first, to give my all first. Only then there might be a 5% chance that I will be comforted by my consort.
Im crying deep down in my heart. My heart cries out but nobody hears them. Nobody. Nobody understands.
Everyone wants to take, nobody wants to give in first.
Yet why must I be the only one to give in first? Why cant i take and give later, as and when i wish?
Nobody gets me after all. Nobody.
And i feel so ever alone, doing the things that I hate.
Im trying to LOVE what I dont. And im failing terribly hard at it. Ha ha ha. In the past, I could just hide all my miseries to the back of my head. But now? I guess the back of my head is filled with so much bullshit now, its taking over me.
And though I have my options, they are as good as ZILCH. ZERO. NONE.
Completely hollow. Empty headed. With a heart that still hurts even when its loving.
I just want to be happy and my only vice that manages to keep my emotions under control is beer. But now, i seem to be immune to its soothing calming effects as time passes and the shits gets even Worser as time moves on.
I hate my life. I found another vice actually, by gulping down ice cold water. But its effects doesnt last as long as beer. Or alcohol. Im upset. Dont tell me i must pick up a stick and puff away my sadness disappointment and anger?
And even then, WILL IT EVEN WORK?
If not, its just gonna be a huge waste of my time and money and effort.
P.s. I hate being screamed at when the other person dont even know the fuck whats bothering me about. Sad life, sad love, sad sad sad...