♥ Saturday, June 05, 2010

||Goodbye Ginger, our precious||

Ginger passed away on Sunday 16/05/2010 1120am right before my very eyes..:'(

Watched him suffer a cardiac arrest as his lungs failed on him and heart stopped beating.. his eyes and mouth were wide open as though it was to his horror that his body organs were collapsing on him and stopped functioning.. And then he let out his last breath of air and never breathed again...

Quickly, bf tried to perform CPR for Ginger but it was no use! Then we rushed down to a different vet clinic cos the day before, we went to one clinic and the fucking vet have no fucking idea what he's talking about on Ginger's condition but gave us painkillers which we administered to Ginger at 3am in the morning for Ginger and where got pets visit the vet, the next day die?!?!!

So while cradling Ginger in my arms in a towel and bf drove fast to a different clinic, the moment we got there, we quickly rushed in and handed Ginger to the docs to see if they can resuscitate him but soon after, the doctor came out and said 'We're very sorry...' and the moment i heard those words, tears started streaming down instantly.. I knew there was a very slim chance that Ginger can be saved but when docs verified that he was really gone, its just like a second raincheck; only more painful, and realistic..cos Ginger is for sure, Gone.. Dead..

Bf and i then were discussing abt cremation services with the doc and i wanted to opt for the normal $100+ type but bf said that they could just junk any other animals' ashes in and say that's Ginger's... and if we want to watch the entire cremation process so we know that the ashes are indeed Ginger's, it will cost a hefty sum of $321 :(

That amount of money for a simple cremation service didnt seem worth it.. Cos it could buy 4weeks worth of catfood or catlitter, or could foot vet bills for the rest of the litter at home for their vaccinations/neutering or when they need medicine if they fell ill since their immune system isnt that built up yet..

Onseeing the expensive charge for Ginger's cremation, we decided to have him buried at bf's garden instead..

As we left the clinic, i started tearing again as i cradled his lifeless body in my arms and walked with bf to the carpark. Along the way, bf was tryin to comfort me cos he knew i was deeply devastated and sad that Ginger's really gone.. Bf was also very sad too cos what happened was very unexpected and Ginger was always bringing joy to us at home..

Got in the car and as the car drove on, i was carrying ginger in my arms all the way and crying while looking back at ginger and feeling that it was such a great pity that ginger died so early and suffered so much during the final days of his life.. I kept looking at Ginger and it felt really horrible inside of me.. I felt as though im ginger's mother and had watched how my baby die and now im carrying my son back home from the clinic, to bury him..in the ground..

He will never come to us anymore when beckoned, he will never feed from his bowl with his siblings ever again, he will never sleep in his favourite spot in the laundry basket of clean bedsheets, he will never wrestle with his siblings, he will never mew at me when i stroke him, he will never look back at me straight into my eyes when i look at him and call his name, he will never be around us anymore with affection, he will never play with his favourite toys anymore, he will never run or pounce or eat or drink or love it whenever we stroke his fur, ever again...

Cos he is gone and never gonna be alive again.....

i bleed; therefore i am {20:03}

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